She’s All That

Title: She’s All That
Author: cutterpillow
Fanfic URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/SAT/
Reviewer: Bubbles @ http://melting-gelato.blogspot.com/

Story Title: 4/5
You have a nice title, but it isn’t the most creative title. However, I love that it is simple and short. Short titles have a better effect on the reader.

Appearance: 10/10
I absolutely LOVE your poster and background. It’s all so cute! It also matches very well and has a very playful and happy feel. All the writing is very clear and easy to read.

Forewords: 9/10
You have a very simple and short forward. It doesn’t give away too much about the plot, which is very good. My only suggestion would be to include more information about the characters. It helps the readers get an idea of what they are going to be reading. You don’t have to add too much - just the names of all the characters and maybe 1 or 2 facts about them.

Plot: 10/15
The plot is a very common plot. However, you did manage to make in interesting by added little jokes. I loved the part where the scooter was painted pink! That was a very creative idea and it kept the plot going.

Flow: 6/10
There were many moments were I had to reread a paragraph to understand what you were trying to say. This wrecked the flow of the story and made it choppy. With more practice, you’ll get better at writing smoothly.

Originality/Creativity: 10/15
This isn’t the most original and creative story I have read. I have seen many stories with a similar plot, but I’m really glad you chose to put your own spin on it.

Characterization: 7/8
Good characterization! I had a good sense as to the personalities of each character. My favourite is Rosa. You made her very realistic and easy to relate to.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/12
Keep practicing with your grammar! You’re doing exceptionally well considering English isn’t your first language. I can still understand the story despite the grammatical errors. I’ll give you some general tips to help you along.

1) Make sure you always stay in the right tense
This is the point I would encourage you to work on the most. Keep practicing and it’ll come!
You wrote: As I look through the clear glass window, I saw the sun is setting. (chapter 2)
Suggestion: You need to decide whether you want this sentence to be past tense or present tense, but you cannot mix the two. I would suggest to change this sentence to “As I looked through the clear glass window, I saw the sun setting”.

2) Watch out for your homophones
In English, there are many words that sound the same but are spelt differently and mean different things. For example:
You wrote: They all think their hot, but I think their just bunch of jerks. (Chapter 2)
Suggestion: The ‘their’ you used means something that belongs to a group of people. Instead, you need to change it to “they’re”, which is short for “they are”
3) Pay attention to whether a word should be plural or not

You wrote-- “Uhm, are these yours?” I asked, handing the iPod (Chapter 3)
Suggestion-- In this sentence, you are only referring to one single iPod. Therefore, you need to use the word ‘this’ instead of ‘these’.

I would recommend you reread your work carefully before submitting it. Keep writing and keep practicing - I promise it’ll get easier =). If you’d like, you could get a beta. Basically, betas are people who work alongside you as you write your fic. They will help reread the chapters and help you correct them. I work as a beta at http://season-of-mist.blogspot.com/. You should check it out!

Writing style: 7/10
You write descriptively and confidently. Keep practicing and you’ll learn how to get your point across to the readers.

Enjoyment: 3/5
A very cute and funny story. I LOVED the ending =)

Sub total: 72/100

Bonus: 3/5
Thank you for choosing me to review your story and requesting from us!! Keep up the good work =)

Total: 75/100