His Deceiving Look

Title: His Deceiving Look

Author: Magic Sparks

Fanfic URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/zilliontin0e/

Reviewer: Xlylb4bydr3am3r @ http://www.melting-gelato.co.nr/

Story Title: 3/5

I think that the title could’ve been better because “His Deceiving Looks” doesn’t really suit the story.

Appearance: 9/10

I like the image but the background is kind of plain

Forewords: 10/10

I liked the foreword it was very detailed and it didn’t give away too much of the story J

Plot: 15/15

Flow: 10/10

Originality/Creativity: 13/15

I thought that the storyline was pretty much original in my opinion but the Yoosu and Jaechun the couple thing was kind of used often in other storylines.

Characterization: 8/8

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 10 /12

I think that your grammar is pretty good but your tenses still need working on like this quote from chapter 6 [“No I didn’t! “Yoochun argues with his son.] Should be [“No I don’t”] you tend to use the wrong tense in the wrong sentences.

Writing style: 10 /10

Your writing style is good. The way you write is very easy to read and not in paragraphs after paragraphs which in my opinion is great because if the story was written in paragraphs it wouldn’t have been as easy to read and kind of boring.

Enjoyment: 4 /5

I found this story very interesting but in the beginning it didn’t really interest me when I reading. When I was reading the beginning there wasn’t anything that pulled me in to want to read on until I got farther into the story that’s where it really got me interested.

Subtotal:92/100

Bonus: 5/5

Total: 97/100

What People Don’t Know

Title: What People Don’t Know
Author: Blitz
Fanfic URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/PeopleKnow/
Reviewer: dramafreak4eva @ http://www.melting-gelato.co.nr/

Story Title: 3/5

- Your title wasn’t too catchy, but it did suit the fanfic.

Appearance: 7/10

- The poster you had wasn’t to my liking as it looked strange and a little bit scary. The background didn’t affect the text much which was good.

Forewords: 6/10

- Your forewords was fine, but a character description would be better. A simple quick plot would be also good if you added one, just to make the readers read on. I liked the preview that you had putted but it could’ve been better, as I said.

Plot: 11/15

- Your plot is actually very easily found. It’s where Aaron’s Dad’s is Guigui’s Dad’s rival. I read a few stories like this but I found this one pretty interesting to read though.

Flow: 9/10

- The flow was very well done, everything went well.

Originality/Creativity: 11/15

- I thought the part where Aaron and Guigui went to the amusement park was creative.

For originality, it wasn’t really original but creative.

Characterization: 8/8

- Full marks, for sure. It was very descriptive when you are explaining something. It was well written and I could understand exactly what you were saying.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 11/12

- Your vocab was fabulous, it was very clear what you explaining and describing. Just a few mistakes that you’ll find if you just read it again.

Writing style: 9/10

- Your writing style was great! I loved it!

Enjoyment: 3/5

Sub total: 78/100

Bonus: 3/5

You requested from Melting Gelato and preferred me as your reviewer.

I’m a big fan of GuiLun!

I really did enjoy reading and reviewing your oneshot.

Total: 81/100

Good luck on your future fanfictions!

Because I know

Title: Because I know
Author: 'Niii
Fanfic Url: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/_know
Reviewer: BangBangVIP @ http://www.melting-gelato.co.nr/

Story title: 5/5
I was a little curious as to who would know what,so it definitely caught my attention.
Appearance: 10/10
I sang 2PM's 10 out of 10 when I typed that =.=' haha. I love the poster. The background makes it easy to read the text, so that's a plus.
Forewords: 10/10
The small sneak peek so caught my attention. I was so excited[lol, Junho~] at the end of it. I couldn't wait to read more.
Plot: 15/15
I must say, I don't think I've ever read something quite like this. It was exciting and kinda sad. I thought he was going crazy!
Originality/Creativity:15/15
Again, I don't think I've ever read something like that before. It was cool to read about the guy being ill, and not the girl. I know that sounds bad.lol.
Characterization: 8/8
The description of the characters made it more....exciting. I love details. X]
Spelling/Grammar/Vocab: 12/12
I found one spelling mistake, but it was no big deal. You put 'on' instead of 'one' but again, I was too wrapped up in the story, to even notice it at first. I still understood what you meant.
Writing Style: 10/10
Again with 2PM's song. lol. I wasn't confused so, yay~
Enjoyment: 5/5
Wow.

sub total:100/100
bonus:5/5
You made me cry, and that's hard to do. There's only been one other story that made me cry, and to any author that can make me cry, I tip my imaginary hat to you.

total: 105/100
I know, I gave you like a perfect score! I was happy at how well you wrote that and how it all worked out, sad ending or not. Nicely done.

Having it Bad

Title:Having it Bad
Author:Soul's Cradle
Fanfic URL:http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/dusk_summer/
Reviewer:YJLuver @ http://www.melting-gelato.co.nr/

Story Title: 3/5

- If I didn’t read the story, got to admit the title is really not understandable. ‘Having it bad’ needs to be explain in what term or not it will be confusing.

Apperance: 7/10

- Your appearance is quit well because I keep on spotting only Taecyeon in most of the chapters so it’s not confusing.

Forewords:5/10 & nbsp; -You yourself realized it... the foreword is quit confusing... it will be much better if the foreword is based on Nichkhun Point of View... but still quit good

Plot: 10/15

-Your plot is not confusing, simple, and easy to understand also got to give great point for the humors.
Flow: 6 /10

-The flow is great because it’s neither so fast nor slow because it will be too boring if the story is to fast same goes if the story is too slow so keep it up.

Originality/Creativity: 14/15

- I got to admit your creativity is great. I love it how you can make a funny statement by a simple words or action by the character.
Characterization: 6/8

- Your characterization is good. Each chapter explain slowly the character’s characterization and it was great for an author because most of an author forgot to slipped that in.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 10/12

- I do spot some grammar mistakes, spelling and some vocabulary’s mistake but it’s not too much. I got to admit you do have a great grammar.
Writing style: 6/10

-I can see you have your own writing skill which is great for a writer…. For my suggestion, it will be much better if you can make the ‘underscore’ lesser

Enjoyment: 4/5
- I didn’t give full mark maybe because I haven’t read the story fully but so far it’s really enjoyable and fun.
Sub total: 75/100

Bonus: 4/5

For your great efforts in making the story enjoyable and the Korean words translation at the end of each chapters.

Believe me this time… I love you

Title: Believe me this time…I love you
Author: dbskislove
Fanfic URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/dbskislove/
Reviewer: rawr @ http://melting-gelato.blogspot.com/

Story Title: 4/5: Your title is kind of irrelevance to the story by far, but I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt, so I have you points.

Appearance: 7/10: I love your poster, but your background is sort of too colorful and it is not pleasing to the eyes at all.

Forewords: 6/10: Your forewords is okay, but you could have done better. Also, when you added the two extra parts to the forewords, it made me not want to read it.

Plot: 9/15: Your plot is too cliché. You need to learn how to change a cliché story and make it your own.

Flow: 6/10: The flow was sort of consistent, but sometimes it’s too fast or too hard to follow the stream.

Originality/Creativity: 10/15: I feel that you need to work on originality and creativity. I know that it is common to use to the same cliché plots, but you have to make it your own. Add your own personality to the story and make it different and stand out from the rest.

Characterization: 4/8: You need to develop your character and give him a voice in the story. They are too flat and don’t stand out. If you didn’t tell me the major characters in the forewords, I wouldn’t be able to differentiate the characters from each other.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/12: There a few human errors in the story. I advise that you read the story out loud to yourself, before posting it. It will help lessen the grammar mistakes.

Writing style: 7/10: You have an interesting writing style, but I think that you should check out other writing styles, so that you can get a feel of it. You add too much descriptions to one sentence, and then too little in the other.

Enjoyment: 4/5

Sub total: 50/100

Bonus: 5/5

Total: 55/100- Don’t get discouraged by the score. I rather you use the suggestions than get mad at me for giving you a low score. I’m a really strict reviewer, as you can see from the 10 pts deducted from your other review. Like I said, go out and explore other styles, also when your writing, add your voice to it and make it your own.

Cupid: angel's in mission

Title: Cupid: angel's in mission

Author: PinkishBubble
Fanfic URL: http:// www.winglin.net/fanfic/PinkishBubble02/

Reviewer: MagicSparks @ Melting Gelato

Story Title: 3/5

The title suits the story quite well. It did tell about what this story is generally about. But as the chapters move on, I think it lose the strength as the angels seem not to really doing ‘cupid mission’ anymore.

Appearance: 6/10

Just like your name, it’s sweet and bubbly! The colour you used for the font suits the romance mood. I thought the poster looks cool. Very youthful and cute; it suits the high school love story theme you wanted to portray. Cutterpillow did a good job!

Forewords: 4/10

You give me nothing much to talk about. You didn’t use the foreword part to introduce your story at all. I hope you could tell your readers what your story is all about. Thank god you use chapter 1 as character’s introduction segment. And I am thankful that you simplified the way you write their characters like that because I found it to be very handy on my way reading the chapters as I keep on confusing who is who since there are English and Japanese names involved.

Plot: 7/15

I like the plot but I don’t love it. No offense, but it just seems too ordinary and cliché- star crossed lovers-forbidden love- murdered or suicide- then reincarnate. Actually you could turn this story into something more interesting with more efforts. People keep on writing this kind of story because there is tons of stuff you could do about it. You could fluff it here and there, adding some originality in it too. I’ve read many great stories based on this kind of plot. The funny thing is, since your story is short and simple, I felt like reading a manga without pictures. I wish someone turn your story into a manga! It would be great and help people to enjoy the storyline better! But still, since I’m romantic at heart, I’m hooked with this story until the end. ^__^

Flow: 6/10

There was a part in Chapter 7 where Mika and Ryosuke battling on the roof top, then Ryosuke suddenly stop the fight by saying "hey,let's end this.we'll destroy the school!", I was like HUH?!. It’s confusing and seems weird to stop a heated battle all of sudden just like that. I really wish the fighting part to be more detailed. Overall, it was fast. It makes great sense and easy to follow since you make it simple. But I think the flow would move more smoothly with some paragraphing. The sentences look monotonous without it. But anyhow, since you wrote them in simple sentences without much elaboration, I still could catch up with the flow with ease.

Originality/Creativity: 8/15

In terms of originality, I can’t give you high marks because I’ve read so many stories like this before. I did love forbidden love type of story, but angel-demon love story is something people keeps on writing since long ago. I can’t find many obvious originality or creativity to be pointed out in this story. The highlights are more on how you create the mobile phone that can control almost everything and also the idea that angels have money saving in heaven and they do have tellers pin number. And the angels are cheating each other’s money too! I think that’s original and creative.

Characterization: 4/8

Despite Mika’s identity as an angel/ cupid, I can’t really tell what Mika’s personality really is like since you didn’t elaborate much about her personality. But you did characterize the angels and demons well through their action and ways of communicate with each other (Barbossa seems demonic when he throws his sons down to earth! XD). I really hope that’ll be more Barbossa as I read the chapters, but sadly, he’s nowhere to be found in the later chapters except in Lady Elena’s love story. Just like Barbossa’s character, you put a lot of characters in this story but don’t really use them out to make things interesting. Take Mikaela for example. Her character seems threatening at earlier chapter but nothing comes out of her later on.

I can understand the change in on and off behaviour of Ryosuke towards Mika, but Yuto’s regret right after he slashed Mika is confusing. Like I’ve said before, you didn’t elaborate much about their personalities, so I can’t really tell if Yuto was actually just being jealous to Ryosuke that their father loves Ryosuke more and actually not that demonic at heart or what.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 10/12

I can’t find major mistake. There are still rooms of improvement for your choice of words and terminology. But I can sense that it was not well edited. I advise you to edit the paragraphing and the commas (,) and also the grammar so that it’ll be easier for readers to enjoy this sweet story.

Writing style: 7/10

It is simple and straightforward. I kind of like your way of writing though I would love it more if you make it a little bit detail in the battle part and elaborate the personalities of the characters. It's manga-like - simple short words to portray big things happening around the characters.

Enjoyment: 3/5

I enjoy reading it! By choosing this type of storyline, it was easy to attract readers to enjoy the story. Who wouldn’t love forbidden love story which end up in the most tragic ways and then have happy ending? It’s cliché, but I love the ending.

Sub total:58/100

Bonus:2/5

-Because you requested Melting Gelato to review this story.

-Because you preferred me to review your story.

Total:60/100

Continue writing and polish your skill coz you’ve got the talent already! I might not give you high marks, but I do enjoy reading it! Thanks a million for giving me the opportunity to read this sweet story. ^__^

★~Away We GO~★

Title: ★~Away We GO~★
Author: BangBangVIP
Fanfic URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/BangBangVIP3/
Reviewer: Bubbles @ http://melting-gelato.blogspot.com/

Story Title: 3/5
Your title was nice and simple, but it wasn’t eye catching enough. Also, I would suggest not using stars and ~ (I don’t know what these things are called. Squiggly lines?) in your title. Although it’s cute, it gives off an unprofessional and amateur vibe.

Appearance: 8/10
The poster isn’t the most original poster I’ve seen, but it’s still pretty nonetheless. I like how the poster and the background are both dark. This adds to the mood of the story. Also, the font is easy to read.

Forewords: 10/10
If I could give you 11/10 on your foreword, I would. It’s so interesting! You did an AMAZING job getting the readers curious. Even I couldn’t wait to read on! I guess my only complaint is that none of the pictures worked for me…but I think that might just be because of my computer so I didn’t take off any marks.

Plot: 12/15
Good and interesting plot. I liked the twists you put in as well as the cliff hangers. I’m so glad I read this story AFTER you finished it, because I’m pretty sure if I read it while you were still writing it, the cliff hangers would have killed me XD.

Flow: 8/10
Good flow. Nothing was rushed or too slow. Sometimes, I had to go back and reread a part which made the flow of your story a little choppy, but other than that, good for you!

Originality/Creativity: 13/15
You have a very creative plotline with a good amount of twists. I haven’t read another story with the same idea.

Characterization: 5/8
Characterization for your story is SO hard. You have SO many major characters in your story (14 to be exact), which makes it super difficult to develop each character. That being said, you did an exceptional job. Each character has his/her own distinct personality. Sometimes, I mixed up certain characters because there were so many to keep track of, but overall, good job.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 10/12
I did find a few mistakes here and there, but there wasn’t anything major. Just remember to read over your work before posting it. I think most the mistakes you made were just because you typed too quickly and didn’t reread your work. However, despite of the few errors I found, I could still fully understand the story.

You wrote -- "The girl's boat is gonna be a little late, so we should head up to the mansion now" (chapter 1)
Suggestion -- Since you’re talking about more than one girl, it should be “the girls’ boat”.
You wrote -- "your still corny bro" Jay laughed. (chapter 1)

Suggestion -- You should write ‘you’re’ instead of ‘your’. ‘Your’ shows possession whereas ‘you’re’ means ‘you are’.

You wrote -- She smiled at them, here eyes forming crescents
Suggestion -- I think just mistake was just a result of typing too quickly. It should say ‘her eyes’, not ‘here eyes’.

Writing style: 8/10
You have a very easy to understand writing style. My only suggestion would be to add more description. You use a lot of dialogue in your story, which isn’t necessarily bad. But you also need a good amount of description to balance things out. This way, it’ll be easier for your readers to understand the emotions each character is feeling and what is going on. However, I’m glad you included many pictures in your writing. This made it easier to picture the setting in my head, even though you didn’t describe it. But even though you had pictures, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t describe things as well! Sometimes, it gets a little tedious to have to go back and forth from reading the story to searching up the picture.

Enjoyment: 4/5
LOVED reading your story!

Sub total:73/100

Bonus: 5/5
Thanks for requesting from me and good luck with all your future stories! I hope I get the chance to read more of your work =)

Total: 78/100

Payback Time!

Title: Payback Time!
Author: eULa
Fanfic URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/eulagail88
Reviewer: BangBangVIP @ http://melting-gelato.blogspot.com/

Story Title: 5/5
Apperance: 8/10
Forewords: 8/10
Plot: 13/15
Flow: 9/10
Originality/Creativity: 15/15
Characterization: 8/8
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary:10 /12
Writing style:9 /10/5
Enjoyment:5
Sub total:90/100

Bonus:5/5

Total: 95/100
I really enjoyed this story~ I found it very funny, but it was also emotional in certain parts. Keep updating this one^^

My Dream

Title: My Dream
Author: D14
Fanfic URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/d14_1shot/
Reviewer: MagicSparks @ Melting Gelato

Story Title: 3/5

The title is ordinary yet suits the story very well. I get idea of the story as soon as I read the title.

Appearance: 7/10

The color is sweet! I’m not a fan of pink, but it reminds me of cotton candy. So it is as sweet as the story itself. I gave extra marks for the appearance because you made the poster yourself. Seriously, you pick the right picture of Yunho! He looks like a prince. And that BOF girl (she’s Kim So Eun right?) meets the description of ‘You’ (reader) with long deep brown straight hair and all. It’s simple, but I like it a lot.

Forewords: 7/10

Any DBSK fans especially Yunho’s would agree with me that you really describe him perfectly (in term of physical) well in your forewords. I loved how you asked the reader to imagine what would we do if….? You manage to drag my attention to know more about the story. You didn’t expose too much about the story, but it’s understandable since this is a one-shot.

Plot: 13/15

I LOVE the plot! It’s a very common plot, but you manage to make it interesting. In dreams everything seems perfect, until you wake up of course. I know it’ll end up as a dream; it’s too perfect to be something real, but in the end you manage to make me go OMG! IS HE REALLY MY FIANCE?! It’s like reading a premonition type of story. I knew at the back of my head, it’ll end up with fail kissing attempt/ fall from the bed scene and having to wake up and realize that it was all just a dream. But I’m in awe because you turn my expectation into something else. Congrats for making an ordinary plot to something worth reading! It’s an ugly truth; if I were to awake to have DBSK’s member as my fiancé, I will scream NO WAY!!! too… ^__^

Flow: 9/10

I think the flow make great sense. Meet the parents, then the fiancé, then the press and fans while going to meet the best friends. Everything was so fast! Especially the proposal part, but in dreams, anything makes sense.

Originality/Creativity: 11/15

In terms of originality, I can’t give you full marks because I’ve read so many stories based on dreams- having a celebrity proposing/ wanting to marry you/ engaged to a star kind of dream. But as for your creativity, I have to give you extra credits. The ending is AWESOME!

Characterization:7 /8

I’ve been DBSK’s fan for almost 5 years now. And I have to say you perfectly bring out their characters in your story. I smiled every time you describe Yunho. You make me believe that the Yunho I’m about to marry is the Jung Yunho adored by millions of DBSK’s fan. The same thing goes with the other members.

I love how you characterized ‘You’ (reader) too. She acts accordingly. I think most of us would do the same if we woke up to have U-know Yunho as fiancé. Feeling shy, inferior and try so hard to look good and all. I can’t stop laughing at the silliness of ‘You’ (reader) when she woke up, feeling hungry and calling for her Umma, asking for milk and pancakes. Even in her dream, she’s acting like that! That is just hilarious!

I can’t give you full marks because you stated “Micky Yoochun, the only guy who could made a woman faint by a single smile”, hey, that guy had made thousands of WOMEN faint by his single smile! Hahaha! No, I’m just kidding. I think you deserve 7/8 for the characterization.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 11/12

I have no complaint. I can’t find any major mistake. Except for Calvin Klein which you spelled Calvin Klain; if you are purposely changing the brand name, I’m sorry for pointing that out. There are still rooms of improvement for your choice of words and terminology.

Writing style: 10/10

Full marks it is! I love your writing style!

Enjoyment: 4/5

This is one of DBSK’s one shot that I enjoyed. I’ve read it three times before I review it and I still felt the same enjoyment. I was like OMO! Every time “You’ (reader) went OMO! Love it! So, for that I gave you 4 marks!

Sub total:82/100

Bonus:3/5

-Because you requested Melting Gelato to review this story.

-Because you preferred me to review your one shot.

-Because I enjoy reading it over and over again.

Total:85/100