Title: Secret Agents DBSK
Author: wertias_sk5
Fanfic URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/SA_DBSK/
Reviewer: MagicSparks @ Melting Gelato
Story Title: 4/5
The title is ordinary yet fits the story. I find it to be very straight to the point. But it’s not eye catching for those who didn’t like spy type of story. They might just skipped through it. But the word ‘DBSK’ itself would surely attract all DBSK fans to read. At least I did, because I’m actually had checked it out before I noticed I have been assigned to review this story.
Appearance: 9/10
I have no grievance against your poster and background. Thank you for requesting them from our site. Jusce did a great job! The font colour suits the very dark background; I found it to be pleasant though it’s bright red versus black background. And the colour theme itself suits the ever mysterious spy theme story. The DBSK on your poster really did suits undercover spies’ a.k.a celebrities characters.
Forewords: 8/10
Very well said! You introduce each and every character in simple way. You even gave out some hints on what is going to happen when there’re male and female spies who didn’t know the existence of each other though they have been working under one roof. I love the way you gave out the hints in questions. It really helps in intriguing me to click the ‘Next’ button. But seriously, when I read your forewords, I thought this story might be a little bit of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s ‘Mr. & Mrs. Smith’ type of movie.
Plot: 12/15
It’s a very common plot, yet you manage to make it interesting with some unexpected events- Junsu’s laughing gas incident for example. That was so unexpected and funny! I found the accident part to be stimulating as I can feel that was the initial point for the boys and girls to realise each other’s existence. The part where all the boys and girls coincidently meet up at the hospital during their visit was actually kind of cliché and predictable. But still, I’ll let it passed as I think there is no other way or time to make them meet up that early. Up until the latest chapter (Chapter 11) it’s a perfect interesting common plot for spy genre of a story. The suspense was definitely there. I am eagerly waiting for Dr. Grant to do something to ruin the KIA spies’ lives!
Flow: 7/10
You make me click the ‘Next’ button FOUR times before I can really read your story, which kind of kills my excitement after reading your forewords. But I understand your need to tell your readers about the first chapter’s delay. I think the flow is moderate (which is nice), not too rushed or too slow. It makes great sense. At the end of every chapter there’s cliff-hanger, making my finger itching to click the 'Next' button.
Originality/Creativity: 10/15
There are so many action scenes which are commonly could be found in spy story/ drama/ movie. The boys’ part during the earlier chapter seems like to be directly taken from the opening part of Tohoshinki’s T Concert and The Secret Code Concert. You save it by continuing it with them attending/ rocking the concert which is just like the concert itself. Another thing that bugs me while reading the girls part was it was so ‘Totally Spies’. I keep imagining the girls to be like Totally Spies characters. No offense, I love watching Totally Spies, but they are so similar to them (with all the gadgets and personalities), I can’t find them to be original at all. Thank god they were all Korean. But on bright side, it’s easier for me to imagine how they rocks when they were saving the world.
The thing that saves this story in terms of originality and creativity was your ability to put spices in it perfectly at the right time and at the right place. I LOL at Junsu’s reaction and action each and every time he did something. And the laughing gas incident was creative! Love that part. And you always provide us links to some videos and photo to give us better understanding... Though there’s a link of the video that had been removed, but still, well done for the effort.
Characterization: 6 /8
No complaint here except for the girls for being too Totally Spies. As a suggestion, maybe you could bring out more of their characters rather than just writing about those girls kicking some bad ass and emphasizing the gadgets. It might be fun to experiment something different about their (both DBSK and the girls) emotion and their way in solving the cases too.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/12
I have no complaint. I can’t find any major mistake. There are still rooms of improvement for your choice of words and terminology. Do check on your comma (,) and the use of past and present tenses, it’s important to smoothen the reading and understanding process. There is a part where you use ‘Their’ instead of ‘They’re’. Be careful of homophones type of words. They sounded the same but spelled and means differently. Some of minor mistakes that I noticed were:
Chapter 9:
Instead of - Ye Eun and Ayumi skipped at the sudden yelling gaining back their consciousness.
It should be - Ye Eun and Ayumi skipped at the sudden yelling, gaining them their consciousness back.
Chapter 10:
Instead of - “I've got a new mission for you girls.”
It should be – “I got a new mission for you girls.” Or ““I have a new mission for you girls.”
Chapter 11:
Instead of - “Don't deny that you're not feeling the same thing.”
It should be – “Don't deny that you're feeling the same thing.” Or “Don't say that you're not feeling the same thing.” Or “Don't lie that you're not feeling the same thing.”
Instead of - He grabbed Yoohee's wrist and twisted them behind her causing her to yelped in pain.
It should be - He grabbed Yoohee's wrists and twisted them behind her causing her to yelp in pain.
Writing style: 8/10
I love your writing style! Simple and straight forward. You don’t use long sentences to describe things to hype up your story (just dialogues after dialogues with little descriptions) and surprisingly it works! I can feel the suspense. It was fun!
Enjoyment: 4/5
Up until Chapter 11, it was fun and fun and yeah suspense! So, for that I granted you 4 marks!
Sub total: 77/100
Bonus: 4/5
Because:
-You requested our staff (jusce) to do your poster and background.
-You requested Melting Gelato to review this story.
-You preferred me to review it.
-I enjoy reading it over and over again.
Total: 81/105
I think I’m a bit harsh in reviewing your story (sorry for that)… But I love this story; I’m looking forward for the next chapters. Always Keep The Faith! Continue your writing coz you are awesome! I’ve learned from your forewords that English is not your first language (but you did a good job in this FF!), so write more coz practice makes perfect!
