Traveling Back In Time

Title: Traveling Back In Time
Author: Samantha a.k.a BabyCopGurl
Fanfic URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/BabyCopGurl_01/
Reviewer: MagicSparks @ Melting Gelato

Story Title: 4/5

The title suits the story very well. I get idea of this one-shot as soon as I read the title.

Appearance: 10/10

I have no criticism against your poster and background. Thank you for requesting them from our site. Jusce did a great job! I love it (don’t tell Jusce this, but I already saving it for my personal use a.k.a my desktop wallpaper, lol!). The font colour suits the very dark background; I found it to be pleasant because the combination of yellow and black background make the reading process easier. The poster itself portrays the stressful relationship between the characters. Good job!

Forewords: 7/10

Wow! Other than some common errors in grammar and term use, it was a success. It was like reading the very first chapter of one long fiction. It was almost impossible to resist reading the rest after reading your forewords. You manage to drag my attention to know more about the story. Thumbs up! But then, when I read the first chapter, I get disappointed when I realize that the forewords are being re-used in it as part of chapter 1.

Plot: 13/15

I like the plot! You manage to make it interesting. I’m in awe because you turn my expectation into something else. Though it was simple, congrats for making an ordinary plot to something worth reading!

Flow: 9/10

I think the flow make sense. When writers play with time in their writing, it’s easy to misguide readers into confusion. But you manage to make it simple and understandable.

Originality/Creativity: 11/15

In terms of originality, I can’t give you full marks because I’ve read some stories based on this kind of idea. But the ending is AWESOME- original and creative! It’s an ugly truth; having time on our sides didn’t mean everything would turn out better. Sometimes it turns out worse yet might be a new better beginning of a new life. In terms of that, I have to give you extra credits.

Characterization: 7 /8

For one-shot, I’m satisfied with the characterization.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/12

I can’t find any major mistake. There are still rooms of improvement for your choice of words and terminology. But in Chapter 1, in Yunho’s POV ‘But the thoughts Yunho was thinking about doesn't have an answer to them. He can ask why but he will never hear the words of because.’ brought confusion to me. Maybe you could change it to ‘But the thought Yunho was thinking about doesn't have an answer to them. He can ask why but he will never hear the real reason.’

Be careful with homophones, they might sounded the same yet spelled and means differently. You might want to ask Beta Reader to check this story out so that this story becomes flawless.

Writing style: 8/10

I love your writing style! Simple yet not lack of characterization. The details are always there within the simplicity.

Enjoyment: 4/5

This is one of DBSK’s (plus OC) one shot that I enjoyed. So, for that I gave you 4 marks!

Sub total: 82/100

Bonus: 3/5

-Because you requested Melting Gelato to review this story.

Total: 85/100

Always Keep The Faith! Continue your writing coz you are a good writer!