Heart Without a Home

Title: Heart Without a Home
Author: Red Bird
Fanfic URL:http://winglin.net/fanfic/red_bird2/
Reviewer: BangBangVIP @ MG

Story Title: 2/5
- It tied into the story, but I was expecting a sad ending. Not very creative though. I would have ended up staring at it, debating with myself whether I want to read it, but in the end I would keep scrolling.
Appearance:6 /10
- I really liked the poster. It gives off a sad mood, even though the story ended happy. It's still awesome though. The background could have been more...less plain.
Forewords:6/10
- I liked the beginning and got sense of what the story might be about.More details to convey the deep feelings in the poem like structure of the synopsis would have made it a lot better.
Plot: 9/15
- This plot is always interesting, if the right twist is added to it. I've read a lot of stories like this one. You did a good job with this plot, better than some of the others I have read, but it could have been more detailed.
Flow: 8/10
- The flow was pretty consistent. Although, the third chapter jumped a whole year, it was still good.
Originality/Creativity: 5/15
- You didn't add your own twist to it, and if you did then I didn't catch it. You can find this plot almost every two stories down on the main index.
Characterization: 4/8
- I could see the sadness the main leads felt based on the small amount of details used, but more details would have conveyed the message even more so, making the story interesting.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 5 /12
- Bare with me on this, I get really picky when it comes to spelling and grammar. I won't pick apart every sentence but I did find a few grammatical errors more than I found spelling. The spelling mistakes I found were common. You sometimes left words out that would tie together the sentence. Sometimes I had to re-read the sentence to understand what you meant.
-"You gaze at your side and saw..." You gaze to your side would have made more sense.
-"He looks so breathtaking as he peacefully slept." Instead of "He looks.." it should have been "He looked so.." looks is present tense, whereas slept is past tense. It's a common error for any writer to use past and present tense in the same sentence, I know I have.
- Try to focus on one tense, either past or present. It can be confusing when you switch back and forth between the two.
Writing style: 7/10
- Every one has their own style of writing, but I started getting a bit irritated with the way you kept spacing out every sentence, even if it wasn't completed.
Enjoyment: 2/5
- I wasn't captivated by the story. You had me going in the beginning, in the forewords. I thought it was going to end sad, but then when I got towards the end of the second chapter, I could already tell it wouldn't end sad.
Sub total:59/100

Bonus: 2/5
-Not a big fan of DBSK, but I still like reading stories about them.

Total: 61 /100