Romeo & Juliette

Title: Romeo & Juliette
Author: © Renata Sabrina Boodram 2010
Fanfic URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/1S_PG_13_T_R_J/
Reviewer: rawr@ http://melting-gelato.co.nr/

Story Title: 2/5- Your title was so not creative at all. I feel that you could do so much better with your title. Romeo & Juliette is way too common. You want your title to stand out, so that it can attract readers. This is a ‘just glance and passed by’ title.

Appearance: 6/10- I like how your poster brings a mysterious feel, but I’m not really into your poster. It’s creative, but not creative at the same time. As for your background, not comment.

Forewords: 3/10- Your foreword is lacking in a lot of things. I know that this is your first story, but you should at least introduce the characters and their personalities. Also, I would be grateful if you give us a preview or synopsis of your story, instead of giving us distracting websites to pictures. Its way to distracting and it takes a lot of time out of reading your story. I know that you are trying to give credit to the originals, but you could of have just told us that you don’t own the pictures, and I also understand that you gave credit to the designer and website of your poster, but you should have put that at the bottom of your foreword.

Plot: 7/15- I can’t really comment on your plot, since it was short. It wasn’t well developed. I just have a question; “Are you trying to re-live the classic story?” I feel that you are trying to re-create the classic story with your two different characters.

Flow: 3/10- It was way too fast.

Originality/Creativity: 6/15- I could see the creativity, but there wasn’t too much originality in the story.

Characterization: 2/8- I didn’t see any characterization of your characters, nor the mention of their names. There were only a few dialogues that didn’t explain anything.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 12/12- I didn’t see any grammar/spelling/vocab mistake.

Writing style: 8/10- It was neat and comprehensible, but it was lacking in development.

Enjoyment: 3/5

Sub total: 44/100

Bonus: 4/5- I gave you four bonus points because it’s your first story and you gave it a shot without, so you deserved those points.

Total: 48/100- I know that this is a very low score, but I would like to tell you that you have what it takes to be a writer, you just need to improve. You need to develop your characters and plots so that we can connect to them. I advise that you look at other great authors and take some notes on their stories and what makes them great authors.