Author: dbskislove
Fanfic URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/dbskislove/
Reviewer: rawr @ http://melting-gelato.blogspot.com/
Story Title: 4/5: Your title is kind of irrelevance to the story by far, but I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt, so I have you points.
Appearance: 7/10: I love your poster, but your background is sort of too colorful and it is not pleasing to the eyes at all.
Forewords: 6/10: Your forewords is okay, but you could have done better. Also, when you added the two extra parts to the forewords, it made me not want to read it.
Plot: 9/15: Your plot is too cliché. You need to learn how to change a cliché story and make it your own.
Flow: 6/10: The flow was sort of consistent, but sometimes it’s too fast or too hard to follow the stream.
Originality/Creativity: 10/15: I feel that you need to work on originality and creativity. I know that it is common to use to the same cliché plots, but you have to make it your own. Add your own personality to the story and make it different and stand out from the rest.
Characterization: 4/8: You need to develop your character and give him a voice in the story. They are too flat and don’t stand out. If you didn’t tell me the major characters in the forewords, I wouldn’t be able to differentiate the characters from each other.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/12: There a few human errors in the story. I advise that you read the story out loud to yourself, before posting it. It will help lessen the grammar mistakes.
Writing style: 7/10: You have an interesting writing style, but I think that you should check out other writing styles, so that you can get a feel of it. You add too much descriptions to one sentence, and then too little in the other.
Enjoyment: 4/5
Sub total: 50/100
Bonus: 5/5
Total: 55/100- Don’t get discouraged by the score. I rather you use the suggestions than get mad at me for giving you a low score. I’m a really strict reviewer, as you can see from the 10 pts deducted from your other review. Like I said, go out and explore other styles, also when your writing, add your voice to it and make it your own.
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