★~Away We GO~★

Title: ★~Away We GO~★
Author: BangBangVIP
Fanfic URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/BangBangVIP3/
Reviewer: Bubbles @ http://melting-gelato.blogspot.com/

Story Title: 3/5
Your title was nice and simple, but it wasn’t eye catching enough. Also, I would suggest not using stars and ~ (I don’t know what these things are called. Squiggly lines?) in your title. Although it’s cute, it gives off an unprofessional and amateur vibe.

Appearance: 8/10
The poster isn’t the most original poster I’ve seen, but it’s still pretty nonetheless. I like how the poster and the background are both dark. This adds to the mood of the story. Also, the font is easy to read.

Forewords: 10/10
If I could give you 11/10 on your foreword, I would. It’s so interesting! You did an AMAZING job getting the readers curious. Even I couldn’t wait to read on! I guess my only complaint is that none of the pictures worked for me…but I think that might just be because of my computer so I didn’t take off any marks.

Plot: 12/15
Good and interesting plot. I liked the twists you put in as well as the cliff hangers. I’m so glad I read this story AFTER you finished it, because I’m pretty sure if I read it while you were still writing it, the cliff hangers would have killed me XD.

Flow: 8/10
Good flow. Nothing was rushed or too slow. Sometimes, I had to go back and reread a part which made the flow of your story a little choppy, but other than that, good for you!

Originality/Creativity: 13/15
You have a very creative plotline with a good amount of twists. I haven’t read another story with the same idea.

Characterization: 5/8
Characterization for your story is SO hard. You have SO many major characters in your story (14 to be exact), which makes it super difficult to develop each character. That being said, you did an exceptional job. Each character has his/her own distinct personality. Sometimes, I mixed up certain characters because there were so many to keep track of, but overall, good job.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 10/12
I did find a few mistakes here and there, but there wasn’t anything major. Just remember to read over your work before posting it. I think most the mistakes you made were just because you typed too quickly and didn’t reread your work. However, despite of the few errors I found, I could still fully understand the story.

You wrote -- "The girl's boat is gonna be a little late, so we should head up to the mansion now" (chapter 1)
Suggestion -- Since you’re talking about more than one girl, it should be “the girls’ boat”.
You wrote -- "your still corny bro" Jay laughed. (chapter 1)

Suggestion -- You should write ‘you’re’ instead of ‘your’. ‘Your’ shows possession whereas ‘you’re’ means ‘you are’.

You wrote -- She smiled at them, here eyes forming crescents
Suggestion -- I think just mistake was just a result of typing too quickly. It should say ‘her eyes’, not ‘here eyes’.

Writing style: 8/10
You have a very easy to understand writing style. My only suggestion would be to add more description. You use a lot of dialogue in your story, which isn’t necessarily bad. But you also need a good amount of description to balance things out. This way, it’ll be easier for your readers to understand the emotions each character is feeling and what is going on. However, I’m glad you included many pictures in your writing. This made it easier to picture the setting in my head, even though you didn’t describe it. But even though you had pictures, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t describe things as well! Sometimes, it gets a little tedious to have to go back and forth from reading the story to searching up the picture.

Enjoyment: 4/5
LOVED reading your story!

Sub total:73/100

Bonus: 5/5
Thanks for requesting from me and good luck with all your future stories! I hope I get the chance to read more of your work =)

Total: 78/100